Forty Years in the Making

Submitted by: Rene Van Hout

I have experienced a lot of tragedy, sadness, and anger in my life. I never knew my father, and my mother died when I was eight. Afterwards my grandparents took guardianship of me and my brothers, and we moved to Tampa to start a new life. I hated my entire childhood. I was constantly bullied throughout school. I never fit in anywhere or kept a friend for long. I wasn’t allowed to play sports, join the band, or do after school activities. We didn’t attend church, except on Easter and Christmas. My life always seemed to be out of balance. I was a lost soul no matter where I was or who I was with.

I married my high school sweetheart, had a daughter, and then divorced. Several months later, I met my current husband. We moved to Land O’ Lakes in 2001. In 2005, we decided to become self-employed. I got my real-estate license, and we started LOL Transport & Moving to complement my real-estate business.

This was both a blessing and a nightmare due to my type-A personality and my tendency to be a workaholic. I kept disappointing myself because I created impossible goals and standards for myself. I burned the candle at both ends and ended up having an emotional breakdown. I shut down completely for about two years because of depression. I never wanted to kill myself, but I didn’t want to live anymore either. I considered myself a failure.

Throughout my life, I was asked several times about my spirituality. I would always say that I believe there is something greater than me, greater than anything we can see or touch. My bout with depression left me with a lot of time to myself and my thoughts. I started to really question myself and why I was in the position that I was in.

One day about two years ago, I looked at my photo album. It was full of pictures of me and my family doing things together each year, except for the previous two years. The album only had a few pictures from this time period because we weren’t doing anything together due to my isolated depression. I was so upset that I was wasting my life and holding back my family from making fun memories together. This motivated me to start getting out of the house again.

I began attending Chamber of Commerce meetings and several business networking groups for our company. Late last year, I started surrounding myself with Christians. In January, I joined Candlewood Community Church and Christian Business Connections. For the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged. There is a connection that Christians have that is invigorating, refreshing, and magnificent. I was drawn to their positive energy and love.

On June 1st, I attended a Bible study and during the discussion, a parent brought up how they love their child unconditionally. I thought of my own child, my 14-year-old daughter. I loved her before she was born. I know that regardless of what mistakes she makes in her life, I will always love and forgive her. “WAIT! I GET IT! God loves me whether I want Him to or not. I don’t need to deserve His love because He is going to love me no matter what! He forgave me before I was born because He is my Father!” These are the words that came belting out of my mouth. I was born again! My walk with God had been one-sided all of my life. Although He has always been there, I wouldn’t allow myself to see Him. But, thankfully, I now have a relationship with Him!

On June 12th, I was baptized. A large group gathered in my friend’s home. My Pastor asked that everyone go outside to the pool for the ceremony. As we walked outside, a huge cloud covered the sun. It remained there until the very moment my Pastor excused us to go inside to eat. At that moment, I realized there is no such thing as a coincidence! I believe that God put that cloud there to shield us from the sun. I had told everyone how cool it would be if God put a cloud over the sun just long enough for my baptism, and He delivered my request!

My walk with God is in its infancy stage. I look forward to each and every day that God gives me. Jesus Christ is my Lord, my Savior, and my Life! I am so excited about finally living my life in His glory! I see God as my true Father. He has revealed to me that it is okay to come to Him as you are. He has shown me that all of us are His children, and He loves us all unconditionally (as we do with our own children). He knew that before we were born we would make mistakes, but He loves us in spite of that.

Since receiving God in my life, my relationships have grown stronger, my moving company was voted Business of the Year, and I am running for 2012 Honorary Mayor of Land O’ Lakes. As a Christian, I see everything differently now. I am growing spiritually for the first time in my life and it feels right! I want to touch people’s lives and make a difference. The difference between the old Rene and new Rene is that now I do everything with God!