The abundance of parenting help available should be your first clue that if you don’t have it all figured out, you are not alone. Parenting can be one of the most rewarding and challenging endeavors all at the same time. Below are a few tips that may be useful to remember as you navigate how to “bring them [children] up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4, KJV).

Parenting should reflect the heart of God.

An unhealthy leniency or a strict demanding environment can both be toxic. God has expectations, but also extends patience, understanding, grace, and unconditional love. The way you parent likely reflects your own view of God.

Every child is different.

What is effective with your friend’s child may not work with yours. Also, what works for one of your children may not work with another one of your children. Don’t be afraid to deviate from cultural norms or even your own household norms.

A child changes as they pass through each developmental stage of life.

What worked two years ago with your child may be ineffective in the future. Your parenting style may need to adjust with each child as they age. For more information about developmental stages, you can find a chart of Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development on the Internet.

Children are resilient.

A mommy meltdown is likely not going to scar your child for life. How you recover from your mistake may be an equally important teaching opportunity as if you handled it right the first time. Patterns are more influential than periodic offenses.

Discipline should be aimed at teaching.

The most obvious place our mind goes when we think of disciplining is to remove a privilege, but at times, allowing logical, natural consequences to teach is enough. Correction may also include the use of positive behaviors aimed at righting a wrong or teaching to the heart behind a behavior (e.g., apologizing, asking permission, returning a toy, voluntarily sharing, etc.).

Children learn what you live.

What you do is more important than what you say. Kids have built-in radars for inconsistencies. You might notice that your child tends to reenact both your good and bad habits. They are closely watching you. Sometimes the best way to train your child well is to be intentional and thoughtful in your actions first.

Respect should be given across the board.

Respect is not the same as authority. Every family member should be treated with respect and dignity. Respect includes listening, speaking with an appropriate tone, and using appropriate words. This applies to younger children as well.

Rules should be stated, specific, measurable, enforceable, and time-limited.

Vagueness, generalities, and perceived inconsistencies tend to frustrate children of all ages. It is important that expectations be stated prior to the current incident and consequences should be predictable as much as possible.

Share the load.

It’s okay to ask others for help. Parents have thresholds too, like the rest of humanity, and overtired parents typically have less tolerance and less self-restraint.

Your child’s behavior does not determine your identity as a failure or success.

Your child has not yet grown to completion. Expecting children to perfectly represent your household values will many times result in disappointment. They are in the training period. It is typically more helpful to assess the general trend of their progression. Like adults, children can progress well while possessing areas where continued development is needed.

There’s always hope.

There’s nothing—no failure on your part or no attitude or behavior on your child’s part—that God cannot redeem. Pray for your children regularly. God is a good parent. He knows how to help!

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